why be and open book?

Stop In Black And White by ~Rainbow826 on deviantART

Today there was a red light dead ahead as I hurtled along in the “Bush-Mobile”, a lifted black F-150 with a topper and roof rack, a bed full of equipment such as a muddy mountain bike, sweat-laden synthetic clothing, sleeping pads and all the other equipment to carry me on whatever journey I feel compelled to take. What did I see ahead of me? Nothing. I was only experiencing the thoughts cycling through my mind as I entered the intersection at forty. In a slow-motion flash I see a beautiful four year-old girl crushed between the console and her passenger door as my truck slams into the passenger’s side of her car. Vehicles come to rest, shrapnel settles, and I exit, unscathed. Her mother is mildly injured; she sees her crushed daughter next to her take her last breath. I know there is nothing I can do for her daughter. I look into her mother’s eyes and see the agony, the suffering, the surprise… the emptiness, weight, expansion and collapse of the world that was and still is hers. Her world will never be the same. My world will never be the same. Our webs are woven together for eternity.

Unspoken thoughts can be dangerous, but we so often keep them to ourselves. Why do we keep them locked inside? Perhaps we fear if we speak out that we will be judged, devalued, labeled, isolated, be viewed as strange or different. We fear we may lose something, like family, friends, pride, image, our job… our life as it exists. Would our thoughts hurt others or help others? Would we be banished or embraced? Would we end up richer or poorer? The questions pour on in a seemingly endless flow… If my life and thoughts were and open book would my life or those connected to mine be any different? If everyone were an open book would all of our lives be different? I have pondered these and many other questions.

As I sat with a close friend at a coffee shop discussing those questions I saw a beautiful four year old girl with a flower sticking out of her long, blond, curly, tangled locks dance to her table with a sense of freedom that most adults do not possess. I saw her mother over-flowing with love for her daughter. The red light existed; the Bush-Mobile existed; the other car did not contain this magical four year old and her mother; there was no other car in that intersection that I blew through. I saw the potential; that was the final straw that led me to create this blog.

I am willing to make the leap and share my thoughts here, in one open book. I have no intention of hurting those in my life past, present or future, but will be treading on precarious ground. What are your thoughts?